I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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