When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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