you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
