i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
