from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Duck Duck Cougar?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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