Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
