hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
