Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
