Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
