What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just invented taco cereal.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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