Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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