I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
