So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
