Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
