I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
