I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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