I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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