She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
