Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
