Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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