Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.

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  (913): your life is more of a joke than dina lohan. (1-913): if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan. http://tfl.nu/safo
  Replies (7) Good night (754) Bad night (1837)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.

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  (570): Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/1c0i
  Replies (31) Good night (5648) Bad night (1017)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today

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  (850): I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today http://tfl.nu/9m95
  Replies (18) Good night (4689) Bad night (1138)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.

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  (313): The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her. http://tfl.nu/8p27
  Replies (20) Good night (5649) Bad night (1908)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.

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  (973): He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird. http://tfl.nu/n9dq
  Replies (17) Good night (4847) Bad night (1229)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.

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  (308): He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along. http://tfl.nu/kb7d
  Replies (13) Good night (3234) Bad night (1224)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.

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  (614): Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast? (1-614): Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry. http://tfl.nu/0ygg
  Replies (3) Good night (755) Bad night (1192)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.

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  (+61): That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him. http://tfl.nu/ztsm
  Replies (4) Good night (1509) Bad night (486)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup

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  (219): This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup http://tfl.nu/la72
  Replies (14) Good night (887) Bad night (672)
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  (874): View more from

  I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!

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  (874): I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night! http://tfl.nu/sa7u
  Replies (8) Good night (1435) Bad night (511)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics

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  (601): New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics http://tfl.nu/u5bj
  Replies (3) Good night (532) Bad night (393)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

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  (401): I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE. http://tfl.nu/jvh7
  Replies (8) Good night (632) Bad night (1673)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again

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  (228): I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again http://tfl.nu/bu4d
  Replies (2) Good night (803) Bad night (326)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me

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  (727): She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me http://tfl.nu/h7g4
  Replies (3) Good night (1399) Bad night (329)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks

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  (609): Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks http://tfl.nu/alp6
  Replies (5) Good night (147) Bad night (505)

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