I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
