Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.