On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Green mimosas i think yes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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