did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
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I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.