Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person

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  (248): I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person http://tfl.nu/uj7d
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?

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  (302): do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships? http://tfl.nu/h1g6
  Replies (149) Good night (1551) Bad night (5804) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  engineering majors are such efficient drunks.

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  (717): he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell. (410): engineering majors are such efficient drunks. http://tfl.nu/xm4l
  Replies (22) Good night (8105) Bad night (841)
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  (408): View more from California

  that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it

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  (408): that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it http://tfl.nu/gsrb
  Replies (5) Good night (3699) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.

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  (514): Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat. http://tfl.nu/flst
  Replies (2) Good night (928) Bad night (2165) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.

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  (408): Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something. http://tfl.nu/it4y
  Replies (15) Good night (2612) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."

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  (412): I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this." http://tfl.nu/x2qj
  Replies (4) Good night (2492) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?

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  (+44): Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/0o8e
  Replies (7) Good night (3903) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.

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  (574): First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated. http://tfl.nu/ljxt
  Replies (6) Good night (1599) Bad night (534)
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  (661): View more from California

  It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas

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  (661): It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas http://tfl.nu/7a5h
  Replies (9) Good night (1412) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy

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  (717): That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy http://tfl.nu/ttbi
  Replies (5) Good night (1066) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...

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  (910): Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history... http://tfl.nu/c2a0
  Replies (2) Good night (689) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.

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  (973): Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited. http://tfl.nu/g03h
  Replies (13) Good night (3653) Bad night (261) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.

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  (503): I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20. http://tfl.nu/9ljc
  Replies (6) Good night (1297) Bad night (249)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.

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  (636): Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that. http://tfl.nu/6860
  Replies (14) Good night (291) Bad night (1452) Order T-Shirt

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