haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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