My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
