What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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