Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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