He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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