I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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