Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
