You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
