What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
