Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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