I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
