Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
