the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
