I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
