U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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