I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
