I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
