Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
