we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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