so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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