i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize