then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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