eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
