i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
