Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
