You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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