On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
