Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
