Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
