Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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