I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
