I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
