I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
