dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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