Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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