My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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