you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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