how can u be prego again
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
