what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He shit in the fireplace
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