fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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