Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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