We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
