So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
