whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
