What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
