I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
