Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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