All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
