i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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