Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
