Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
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He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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