I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
