then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
