i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
